Friday, August 15, 2014

My Flawed World View

So, I have this crazy idea. 

Why do I berate myself so much for being the way I am? Why do I think I need to conform to some flawed view society has about what's beautiful and what's not? Why do I let the way others see me affect the way I see myself? 

True story: The hubs and I were at Costco, and I was feeling fabulous in my adorable poodle skirt and white cardigan and red tank top. See, how freaking cute am I?

So, Anyhoo. Costco gives out samples of food, everyday 8-5, it's great. So, there was this filled sausage thing i was sampling. I went to take a bite and the thing completely squirts on my white cardigan. It's a huge and ugly stain. A normal person would be like "Oh, oops..." and wipe it off calmly. In my flawed brain I was thinking "Oh my god. I'm disgusting. People are going to look at me and judge me and I'm just a big fat slob who has food stains all over my clothes." I freaked the F out. I started hyperventilating and crying because of the way I thought OTHER PEOPLE would see me. I covered the stain up with my hand and ran to the bathroom and tried to clean up as best as I could, but I KNEW it was there. I no longer felt fabulous. I felt disgusting and ashamed.

Seriously, that's some F!cked up Sh!t. 

So, this incident made me realize that I've been looking at this all wrong. I need to be confident in myself, Love Myself, in order to live a happy and healthy life. 

So, I've decided that I am beautiful. I'm not going to look at myself in the mirror and be disgusted with the way I look. I'm not going to step on the scale and feel depressed if I haven't lost a pound. I've spent way too much time feeling self conscious about the way I look and not allowing myself to be comfortable. Seriously, if it's 90 degrees outside why do I feel like I need to put on a sweater over a tank top? It's freaking hot! I deserve to wear a freaking tank top without worrying that people will think I'm disgusting! 

I'm going to stop focusing on my size. Size does not matter. What matter's is how I feel, and how I see myself.

I'm adorable as hell. I'm a weirdo, I'm hilarious, I have a great smile, My personality is Killer, I have beautiful Eyes. I'm also compassionate and kind. I'd do anything to make somebody smile who's having a bad day. I'm loyal to those I love. I am fun. I have a great singing voice. I'm a geek. I'm Fabulous. 

So, no more obsessing over what I eat. No more feeling like I don't matter. No more worrying what other people are going to think of me. No more feeling guilty for having a bowl of ice cream. No more obsessing over how much I weigh. No More.

I'm one Bad Ass Mother (shut your mouth)...