Friday, May 3, 2013

Umm... Hi? It's been a while...

I'm weak. Very Very Weak. I had a really bad lapse. And I didn't blog because that would have made me accountable for all the bad things I was doing. The worse part is that I gained. A Lot. Most that I lost.

It's so easy to fall into that mindset that I don't matter. It's really easy to blame everything around me for my lapse. The truth is All I have to blame is myself. And try to get back on the wagon. 

Sot that's what I'm going to do. Try.

This is going to be a long process. It's going to take Years to get to how I want to look. My problem is I want instant gratification. I want to look good now. I want to feel better now. Because food is the ultimate form of instant gratification for me. I know that if I'm sad, or stressed, or feeling bad about myself, that binging on a bunch of sugary deliciousness is going to make me feel better. At least while I'm eating it. Afterwards I'm left feeling fat and disgusting. Which makes me want to eat more. It's a horrible vicious cycle. One that I've been on most of my life. 

So, I'm starting over.

My Name is Beth, and I'm addicted to food. 
I weight 365 lbs, last I checked.
I'm a size 26/28.
I don't have a goal weight. Because weight doesn't matter.
I want to be a size 14.
I want to be able to shop in the Regular size section. 
I want to be able to hike with my Husband and actually keep up with him and not slow him down.
I want to be able to Ride Harry Potter.
I want to feel good about myself.

Today is the day I stop making excuses and just do it.

Good Luck to me