Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Squishy Vs. Rewards

Hi Everybody!! (Hi Dr. Nick!)
I totally do...
So. Progress Report!!
Starting Weight: 378
Current Weight: 307.6

I've lost 70 pounds. I really can't believe I've done so well. I've never made it this far before. It's been 8 months, and I haven't thrown in the proverbial towel.  Maybe I really do have a handle on this stuff!!
Happy Dance!!
I am kinda scared though, because that means I'm roughly only 8 pounds away from the 200s. I haven't been there since high school. The lowest I can remember knowing my weight was in 11th grade where we were weighed in gym class (285), and the teacher posted the highest and lowest weight and did an average for the class. I was humiliated, because I was obviously the heaviest person. So, what did I do? Went and ate some chocolate. I also have an irrational hatred of sports ballads (like The Final Countdown) because our gym teacher made us run to them, and if somebody stopped running and started to walk we had to start from the beginning of the song.... Evil Evil Evil High School Gym Teacher....

So. I'm freaking out a bit because I kinda don't know what to do with myself anymore. And Freaking Out to me is going crazy with not keeping track of what I am eating, and allow myself too many treats. Because I've always rewarded myself with food. Every milestone has always been celebrated with food. Birthdays, anniversaries, getting through a hellish day at work.. all celebrated with food. I have to get out of that habit. 

One of the non-food rewards I've been giving myself is fauxdora (fake pandora) charms on a charm bracelet. Every 10 lbs I get a new charm. It's been fun, except it's taken me all summer to lose 15 pounds because, again, I lose a little, realize how close I am to a certain milestone, and then freak the F*CK out. But, the bracelet thing is going well. 

I have an idea for when I lose 100 lbs. I want to get a tattoo. I have a little one on my ankle, and I've always wanted to get another one. I love tattoos. I just think they're beautiful. It's just hard to pick out what I would want to permanently put on my body. I know I want some sort of a plus size pin-up, since I'm a huge fan on pin up art. But then, where do I go to get the tattoo done? I don't know anyone with a lot of ink, and have no idea where I even start to research it. 

So. Yeah. Overwhelming. Which leads me to freak out.

I'm sensing a pattern...

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